My Top 5 Favourite Foxes

Yes, what with all the terrible events going on in the world recently, I’ve decided to blog instead about my top 5 favourite foxes. Ever.

1. @GusTheFox

Since I found him on Twitter, @GusTheFox has quickly become my favourite fox in the world, ever. I’ve been reading his tweets for a while now, and they really are quite genius. Things like; “Licking porridge off Noel Edmonds’ anti aircraft cannon”, and “I just punched a woodpecker called Dennis Yeast in the throat because he kept talking bollocks about test driving F1 cars for a living”. He also has a very funny agony column. Apparently, he also murdered his Gran.

2. The Crack Fox (Mighty Boosh)

Disturbing and funny, I really hope we see more of this character if there’s any more Mighty Boosh stuff in the pipeline. Here’s the story, told by the Crack Fox himself, from episode 4, season 3 of The Mighty Boosh:

“Once upon another time, there was a fox, and he was called Jerome. He lived in the woods, in Elderberry Wood. His friends were Nicholas the Tennis Rat and Dante the Racist Badger.

They spent their days punting down the lazy rivers of Cambridge town. Occasionally would eat a cucumber sandwich and sit under Mr. Willow the Tree.

One day, whilst relaxing, he found a copy of Cheekbone Magazine. It was in the bush. And he read an article about London life. He read it over and over, and over, and over again, and over. And then, decided he was gonna go to London! His friends said, “No! You can’t go!” But he decided he was gonna, ’cause he was a willfulll little fox, and he set off to the town.

Three days later, he was off his tiny face in a gay club. Woohoo! The fun, fun times for him! But the party lifestyle took its toll. Eventually he ended up on the streets, begging for cheese in Dalston.

That fox, my friend, was none other than me, the Crack Fox. CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Definitely one of my favourites of Julian Barrett and Noel Fielding’s creations. “Fiddle-de-doo, fiddle-de-dee, fiddle-de-DIE!”

3. Basil Brush

We can’t miss out old Basil, can we? He’s cheerful enough, but I think he might be a closet masterplan terrorist. “Ha ha ha, Boom! Boom!” — there never were any explosions tracked back to that happy chappy, were there?

4. Foxy Bingo

Is his name actually ‘Foxy Bingo’? Because I think that would actually work. Anyway, most of you ferals, at least in the UK, have probably witnessed the Foxy Bingo adverts. I mean – it’s a fox in a snazzy suit, what more can you ask for? And, well, he’s just so jaunty and happy-go-lucky, he’s like a pied piper for women in their 40s waiting to go on the school run. Admittedly, as a 26-year-old single lady, I would most definitely follow him down the street — I mean, it’s a talking fox in a SUIT! (For the rest of you, Foxy Bingo is, of course, one of the leading Bingo websites in the UK. Well, they can afford talking foxes in snazzy suits, after all.)

5. The Fox from ‘The Animals of Farthing Wood’

He had a really sexy voice. That is all.

 

Andrew Lincoln’s Acting Career

If you’re not a Britski, you probably won’t remember Teachers, where Andrew Lincoln starred as Simon Casey. Nowadays, he plays Rick Grimes in the hit zombie TV show The Walking Dead, and that’s funny because as Simon, he was the most irresponsible, immature, whiney, petty, obsessive, neurotic sod, and now he’s the responsible one in charge of protecting everyone from zombies. He’s come quite a way, and the American accent throws me a little, too. Kudos to Lincoln, and I’m looking forward to Season 3.

~B

‘Phobic’: Just a Thought

Transphobics, homophobics… I’ve got a bone to pick about the use of the word ‘phobic’…

Normally when you refer to the word ‘phobia’, it’s something people can’t help; it’s something they just have. They don’t choose to be agoraphobic, or arachnophobic, or chirophobic… I don’t like how bad attitudes are lumped with the word ‘phobic’ as it gives the completely wrong impression. If people were going around hating and being mean to spiders, or dogs, or say, disabled people, they wouldn’t be called phobics. They’d be called arseholes. Right?

The word ‘phobic’ sounds far too lenient, in my opinion, for a person who is filled with unadulterated and inexplicable hate for something they either don’t properly understand, or have developed through other social issues – maybe not all of them their fault, but still. It’s not something we should generally tolerate, and fastening the word ‘phobic’ onto it just sounds… more tolerant than it should? It’s not a phobia, it’s bigotry against transsexuals, homosexuals, bisexuals, Muslims, Jews… the list goes on. Am I wrong about this?

Just a thought. Feel free to argue.

~B

 

Red Shoes (100% True Story)

I have a pair of red shoes,

I wear when I am blue.

They brighten me up no end,

And make me happy too.

 

These shoes are old,

And truth be told,

They’re comfortable.

And make me bold.

 

Many years they’ve lasted,

Too many now to count.

I can’t even remember,

The cost they did amount. (wasn’t much)

 

Yet how are these shoes still here?

No polish, wipes or cobblers have they gone near.

What is the reason these shoes do not tarnish?

I’ll tell you the reason – it’s fucking nail varnish!